Ria's Writing Corner

Inside and Outside : Director's Cut

Chapter 1

Well. I had a very peculiar day. I'm walking home and this girl…well she…BARKS at me. Yeah. Like a DOG. I'm just walking home wondering 'WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?!' No. I'm not really English. (Though…mother dearest did say I had some English in me…) I'm from America though. Well anyway…I'm at home and in my room -how fascinating! …Not.- When I see my cousin. He's all sitting there playing the usual Zelda game we tend to play when we get mad at something. It is kinda' fun trying to defeat your dark self a thousand times. Maybe I should take some time to describe us…since…we are the main characters and all. Me, Maria is a short (4'11) girl with short brown hair. I tend to wear a lot of black. ('Specially black turtle necks.) I'm a bit skinny (97-99 pounds…) and don't smile much. Michael on the other hand is taller than me and has blonder hair. He weighs a bit more than I do. (That's just 'cus he eats more than I do.)

So…anyway…there he was…playing the game when he turns around asks me if I wanted to play. STUPID! Do I look like I wanna' play? First…I get picked on by every cute-looking guy at school…then picked on again by the school SLUTS and I just now got barked at! I shook my head. Not only to say no but too shake my angry thoughts away. I hated school right now. Everyone there was a bitch to me. Yeah…once in awhile they'll compliment my artwork but that's it. God. How I hated having on of those preppy girls come up to me and say how cool my artwork was. 'Specially when I was in the middle of sketching. I love getting the compliments but sometimes they just need to wait 'till I'm done drawing. Really. Michael was grumbling away while fighting one of those Lizafols characters. He must've been in Dodongo's Cavern.

I looked up to watch him. I got a idea. A stupid idea but a idea none the less. I covered Michael's eyes while he was fighting. "AUGH! MARIA!" He yelled and tried to bite me. "OH NO MICHAEL. THEY'S BE COMING TO GET YOU NOW!" I pointed at the screen still holding his face. "GET OFF MARIA!" He yelled again and pushed my hand away. He continued playing until he turned Link into a adult. Now…there is a difference between the Link you see on the TV screen and the Link you see with your own eyes. (We'll get into that…) That is…the one you see with your own eyes ACTUALLY TALKS. Yeah! So I just sat and watched Michael get Epona. Getting Epona is such a pain in the butt. I hated the horse anyway but you did need her to get the Biggeron Sword. Okay…the next thing I know Michael was telling me that my game froze. "Huh?" Was all I could manage to say.

"The game…Link…froze." Michael gave some fake sniffling noises. Okay. The next part is hard to explain but…I'll try to explain it as best I can. Okay. Link on the screen DID indeed freeze. Oh gee. How wonderful! He froze! The game must be really fritzy right now. …again. Then my cousin came up and tapped on the screen. Yeah. Like THAT was going to do anything. ..But…instead of hearing a deep glassy knocking noise…silence. Why? Because his hands went straight INTO the TV. "MICHAEL!" I yelled and tugged at his arms. …They didn't budge. I tugged some more. They only went further into the TV. Which…pretty soon we were into the TV flying through a void of TV programs. "AHHHHHHHH!" was all we could manage. I lost track of how long we were falling but it must've been pretty long since I was getting hungry and crappy. But…I was always crabby so that didn't matter.

We landed. I first…then Michael. Were those bones cracking? Yep. Michael landed on top of me. Good. Now I can live the rest of my life in a hospital getting physic help. I was sooo scared for life right now. Any hoo…the area we landed in looked EXACTLY like Hyrule Field in the game but more … y'know …REAL. Michael could pin point every section of our surroundings and of course…that's what he was doing. "Holy crap Maria! That's Lon Lon Ranch! And…over there is Kakariko! That's…" It went on for HOURS. I think I fell asleep. Wouldn't you fall asleep when your cousin was pointing to every corner of Hyrule field? I wished I had food. Damn. I wonder what time it is. Of course…I didn't know where to go eat. Link in the game never ate OR slept. Dear God. That HAD to be horrible for your health. Well…he drank and that was it. That boy had to have some bad malnutrition. I sighed. I already missed my home and those idiot sluts already. There was nothing to do. If this was really Hyrule…maybe something big was happening at the Market Place. "Let's go to the Market Place!" I suggested. Michael agreed. He also liked the idea of getting some food. I decided this would be quite a awesome vacation. We rushed off the the market when we were stopped by a white stallion. It was that Princess Zelda out on a stroll looking for Link. We ignored her 'cuz frankly…we just don't like her.

I think she was staring at us too. Well…who wouldn't? I was dressed in my usual black outfit and Michael was in jeans and a t-shirt. Good thing she ignored us too or I'd be really pissed. So…we entered the place and LO AND BEHOLD it was MUCH bigger than in the game! Even Michael was lost! "Well. …Now what?" I asked in my usual sarcastic tone. "This place is too big. ..Save me!" Michael hid behind me. I gave a irritated sigh and walked forward. "Now…if this was like the games…" I looked around and saw nothing of real interest. I mean…once you saw it in the games a few hundred times…it isn't as interesting in real life…now is it? Nah. We walked past the shops and came to the fountain. Interstingly enough Malon was there. Her father must've been bringing milk to the castle at the moment. He must've fell asleep in his usual spot. I chuckled at that thought. Malon saw us and walked up to us. "Hello there!" She said cheerfully with a slight accent. "New comers I see." We nodded. Wow. A character from the games was talking to us. ..TALKING. I was beaming inside with happiness. Yes. BEAMING. We chatted with Malon for awhile. I was getting sick of explaining what and where Earth is.

Malon was trying to get us to get her father so she could leave but we refused. There was no way in HELL I was going to go past those guards. NO. WAY. We left Malon and walk towards the exit. "Wow. This place is MUCH more boring than the games!" Michael laughed. I agreed. We walked out. That's when we saw Zelda again. 't find what you were looking for Princess? Yheesh. I bet she was looking for Link. ..I bet she was going to have him do some stupid crap and whatever else. I be-…We bumped into the horse. How we did that no one will ever know because not even I know and I was the person who bumped into the horse in the first place!

So…there we were. Just…just staring at each other. "AHOY!" I yelled. ..Using sailors greetings now…I MUST be crabby. Thank god she didn't run us over. I didn't feel like being a 'Maria-pancake' today. "Hey Miss, Do you know of a place where we could get some food?" I tried (Hence..TRIED) to be polite but my stomach was getting to me and she could tell. "Why sure. …And please…call me Zelda." She gave a smile. I gasped and tugged on Michael's sleeve. Michael was busy mumbling something about Hyrule field. "Michael! LOOK!" I whispered and tried to point at Zelda. "It's Zelda! Y'know…from the games!" I added. Zelda stared at us weirdly. "So…were can we eat?" I had my hands in a praying position. THAT was just how hungry I was! "Follow me!" Zelda tugged the reigns of her horse and rode over to Hyrule Market.

Me and Micheal stood there. How are we supposed to follow a damn horse?! Those things were fast! "Ugh." I grabbed Michael and followed Zelda. Well…I had too. She was a princess after all. I'd hate to critisize fashion sense because I have none of my own but…dear god…she was wearing WAY WAY WAY too much damn pink! Oh well. She was a princess and she could do whatever she wanted. If the town was in trouble what could we do? Nothing? I would figure that out as soon as my stomach got a break. ..Mmmm. Food.

We followed Zelda until she stopped at this restaurant-type thing. "This wasn't in the game!" Michael blurted out. Zelda turned back and looked at us. Good lord was she wearing too much pink today. "Game?" She asked and I elbowed Michael so hard in the ribs he toppled. "EEEOW!" He shrieked and bounced around holding his rib cage. "These people 'dun know they are in a game!" I hissed quietly. "We must never mention it." Michael glared at me rubbing his ribs. "You better not've broken them…" Was he ever demanding! Maybe spending some time with Zelda would change my views on her. Or…maybe not. Well…when we sat down we suddenly remembered the currency here. "

"God damnit! We 'dun have any gosh darned rupees!" I exclaimed rummaging through my pockets. "You IDIOT!" Michael knew the whole time …it was his tone of voice. "Y'know what Mi-" I was stopped short of sentence. I hate that. A waiter guy by the name of …Jack. …Yeah. Jack. Let's go with that name. Well…Jack served us. Said the Princess paid for our meal. WOW. My views did change! ..By a small bit. We ate. Whatever the hell we ate was great but looked really gross. Maybe it was rich people food? Oh well. We need to find out why we were sent here. Why the hell didn't I being my CD player? Why was grass greener on the other side? Why- Michael then interrupted my thoughts. "Wanna' find Link? …I mean…" He smirked. "Say it and get spawled by the spork!" I said and flung a piece of food at him. He dodged. Hoo boy. I wished he didn't. It then hit Jack and let's just say…he was quite pissed. At least I have food in my stomach.

"Now…were can we find this Hero of Time?" I asked Michael for he acted like he knew everything. "I 'dun know!" He answered. "Gosh darn that!" I snapped my fingers. "You 'dun know shit either!" "I know." Zelda then returned. She wanted to show us to her father for some stupid reason. We never got to see the King in the games. Only heard about him. Usually…ok…ALL the time my thoughts tend to trail from the actual point. (HA. Like now!) I was thinking about how many minutes passed on Earth. In some shows/books whenever you spent a week in a faraway place out of Earth…only 3 or so minutes passed on Earth. Plus…why did she want to show us to her father? What did we do? Sure…there was that time I saw pink elephants running around my room late at night but…she couldn't of known about that! Michael was thinking the same thing. (Except the elephant thing…) "Are we going to get executed?" Was the only thing he asked.


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